Aesthetics: What Makes A Person Beautiful Or Attractive?

I have a long day ahead, so this is my first philosophical post on beauty.  I noticed that everytime I talk about attractiveness and what makes a person really beautiful, other people always place a responsibility on the individual and make it seem like it's that person's fault for feeling like they are not beautiful. They say things like "you need to have confidence", "if you do not see yourself as beautiful, then no one else will" and "if you feel good about yourself then other people will pick up on that and be drawn to you". The comment that I hate the most is "it's what's on the inside that counts". Living in America, and being constantly surrounded by media images about what socially beautiful, we all know that "self confidence" is a load of crap.

For my philosophy class, we read this book called Appetites by Caroline Knapp. In my women's studies class, we read an excerp from The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. These readings were amazing and they at least address what no one wants to talk about. What makes a person attractive is really external. People do not know if others are a kind genuine person until they actually meet and speak to the person. I want to say that every culture has a different standard of what is considered attractive in a woman, but living in a multiracial society, I can attest to the fact that every ethiniticity's definition of beauty is the same: long legged, long straight and preferrably blonde hair, lighter skin,  and sharp aquinine features. Within every ethnicity, preference in body shape and proportions vary. Within white America it's the women who are featured in magazines such as Elle, Vanity Fair, Sports Illustrated and pretty much all of the Victoria Secret models. For black American men it's most of the girls featured in music videos and hiphop magazines. Within the Latino cultures it's mostly in their media what they find beautiful in their women. Same can be said of Asian Americans and Asians and other ethnicities.

What is Not Addressed When Talking About Beauty

In America, beauty is capitalized. It's not really about what makes a person beautiful but how many people they attract. A perfect example of this is in my own experience of going "natural" (going from straightened, chemically relaxed hair to wearing it in its natural state). When I used to wear my hair straightened, I did not dress the best but I guys did walk up to me and one guy in a store commented on how beautiful I was. After being natural, I have family members telling me that I need to straighten my hair and I don't need to wear it the way it's grown out of my scalp.

At the same time, when I was in Reno, I had a white woman tell me that "black women do not look right with straighten hair because it looks fake and unnatural". She is unaware that black people have hair textures from loosely wavy to extremely kinky. These comments on both sides perpetuate the narrow definition of beauty. It also shows that women's bodies do not belong to them, but to society.

To fight all the external pressures of beauty and what is considered beautiful, it's best to think of it this way when it comes to dating: dress like the kind of woman you would be with if you were a guy. I learned that I can't make everyone in the world happy. When it comes to dating a guy: date the kind of guy you would want that woman to date. The whole idea of the word "self-confidence" is such a subjective and washed out term. If it means changing your hair from natural to straighten, then it means that.